psychology

While in the past, kinky sex was often considered to be “sick,” and, until 2013 with the release of the DSM-5, a proclivity for BDSM was literally considered a ‘mental disorder’ by psychology professionals. But science has prevailed, and recent studies have shown that kinksters often enjoy more robust mental health and well-being than their vanilla counterparts. Click around the essays and links on this page to learn why.

Back in the 1960s and ‘70s, when the Leather community anchored in San Francisco was pretty much inventing modern BDSM, it was taken for granted that a would-be Dominant would begin training for power exchange by first serving as a submissive to a mentor Dom. After all, how could Dominants learn to control the submissive mind without fully experiencing submission themselves? Even today, schools for professional Dominatrixes (such as the academy run by Mistress Domiana Chi) requires all Doms in training to take on the submissive role for a time. [...]

To discover the happy pain-loving submissive in myself at the age of 50 was a fairly shocking revelation to both myself and my husband. And throughout the first months of edgy BDSM exploration, my dominant “Daddy” and I enjoyed an extraordinary amount deep sex, in between deep epiphanies and deep discussions.

We also had an extraordinary amount of fun, laughing at what we were doing, and often found ourselves perusing the photos posted on Fetlife. “Oh wow, that looks cool, we should try that.” [...]

One of the most iconic love scenes in movie history is in Gone With the Wind, when Rhett Butler overcomes the resistance of Scarlett O’Hara, scoops her up into his arms and carries her up to bed, forcing her to submit to his sexual lust. Cut to the next morning, Scarlett waking up smiling, happy, and even singing in bed. As we watch the movie, we think, Finally! [...]

When my husband and I first discovered BDSM, it was a challenge for me as the submissive to come up with the right honorific for him as my dominant. Sir didn’t seem right, too formal for the loving bond we felt. Master certainly wasn’t right. We quickly came across the word Daddy, which I liked, and which fit our discovery of BDSM through a stepfather spanking roleplay. [...]