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... better living through

power exchange

... better living through power exchange

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bdsm sex

The allure of BDSM is mysterious to many. Why do people like to be tied up or spanked, as in Bondage & Discipline? Why would someone want to turn their sexual choice over to another, as in Dominance & Submission? How many people are “into” that, and why? The essays, articles and links on this page explore BDSM sex from a “Facts and Science” perspective.

triskelion fleuron

callout 1

In my first foray into BDSM, it was my pain-loving self-proclaimed “submissive” boyfriend who put a whip in my hand and begged me to use it on him. Being what I have always called “sexually game,” I gave it a try. I was not a fan of whacking him, not at first, I winced the entire time. Then he let me take a turn on the receiving end. Ohhhhh. I suddenly “got it.” [...]

triskelion fleuron

callout 1

The question: Is BDSM and power exchange a sexual orientation in the way that homosexuality or bisexuality clearly is? Or is interest in kink a choice, like one chooses a hobby? [...]

triskelion fleuron

callout 1

I am visiting a friend, and her husband is watching TV in the den and laughing. It catches my attention, a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond, because poor Ray is desperate to get laid but can’t get his wife to agree to sex. He feels angry and resentful, she feels pushed and resentful ... Of course, I can’t help but think they’d both be soooo much happier if she’d just submit to her horny husband already. [...]

triskelion fleuron

callout 1

How Submission Feels

by Terra Bloom

When most people imagine the “bottom” half of BDSM, they imagine taking beatings, withstanding pain, intense sensations, and probably intense excitement. I do get all of those things when I submit to my body to my husband’s lovingly sadistic desires. But the core of the experience of submission is so much deeper than physical sensation. It is more a phenomenon of mind than body. [...]

triskelion fleuron

callout 1

Coming out as BDSM

by Terra Bloom

The discovery of power exchange and BDSM set my marriage on sexual fire and swept up my husband and I in a wave of more honest communication, deeper intimacy, unbreakable trust, and more liberated love. We deeply wished we had discovered our D/s dynamic sooner, and I often felt angry that this path to unlocking sexual nirvana for us had been so deeply buried under myths and taboos and off-putting fetish porn that we only discovered it by accident. [...]

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popular articles

academic articles

  • Bondage-Discipline, Dominance-Submission and Sadomasochism (BDSM) From an Integrative Biopsychosocial Perspective: A Systematic Review
    — ncbi
  • Fifty Shades of Belgian Gray: The Prevalence of BDSM-Related Fantasies and Activities in the General Population
    — isiarticles.com
  • Sexual diversity in the United States: Results from a nationally representative probability sample of adult women and men
    — ncbi
  • The Language of Pain: A Philosophic Study of BDSM
    — Sagepub
  • Sensual, Erotic, and Sexual Behaviors of Women from the “Kink” Community
    — ncbi
  • Between Pleasure and Pain: A Pilot Study on the Biological Mechanisms Associated With BDSM Interactions in Dominants and Submissives
    — ncbi
  • A "Different Economy of Bodies and Pleasures"?: Differentiating and Evaluating Sex and Sexual BDSM Experiences
    — ncbi
  • A Systematic Scoping Review of the Prevalence, Etiological, Psychological, and Interpersonal Factors Associated with BDSM
    — ncbi
  • Consensual Sadomasochistic Sex (BDSM): The Roots, the Risks, and the Distinctions Between BDSM and Violence
    — researchgate.net
  • Evolutional background of dominance/submissivity in sex and bondage
    — ncbi

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