My dominant Daddy has added a new step to our across-his-lap spanking ritual every evening. He spanks me, he stirs my pussy with two fingers, and then also slips a finger in my bottom hole and stirs it, too. As he pushes pleasure/pain into my ass, my body soaks it in and absorbs it like a sponge, until all my cells feel full and heavy and still with it. I go into such an altered state that I lose track of time. And I find myself craving for him to penetrate me there near constantly.
In trying to understand why anal subjugation affects me so powerfully, I discover a book called The Surrender, by Toni Bentley. Billed as an “erotic memoir,” the entire book is an ode to the many pleasures of anal sex. Perhaps “pleasures” is the wrong word. She writes about anal sex as if it is a spiritual practice, a holy rite. And I completely get it.
Bliss, I learned from being sodomized, is an experience of eternity in a moment of real time. Sodomy is the ultimate sexual act of trust. I mean you could really get hurt — if you resist. But pushing past that fear, by passing through it, literally, ah the joy that lies on the other side of convention. The peace that is past the pain. Going past the pain is key. Once absorbed, it is neutralized and allows for transformation. Pleasure alone is mere temporary indulgence, a subtle distraction, an anesthetization while on the path to something higher, deeper, lower ...
I am nodding yes as I read Bentley’s words, the “peace that is past the pain.” That is how it strikes me. And I nod again as I read her words tying anal penetration specifically to submission to a dominant.
Anal sex is about cooperation. One is in charge, the other obedient. Entirely in charge, entirely obedient ... You can’t half-ass butt-fuck. The ass doesn’t know how to lie, it can’t lie: it hurts, physically, if you lie ... Ass-entry involves the hard edge of truth ... You let a man into your bowels — your deepest space, the space that all your life you are taught to ignore, hide, keep quiet about — and consciousness is born. If you can let a man ass-fuck you ... you will learn to trust not only him but yourself, totally out of control. And beyond control lies God ... This is the truth about the beauty of submission.
Ms. Bentley knows whereof she speaks. That she has written an entire book on the spiritual rewards of anal penetration seems totally appropriate to me. It would take me as many pages to fully express how overwhelmingly satisfying it is to me when Daddy breaches my bottom hole. Many more pages to describe how I get off on the rude love in it, the difficult demand of it, the all-possessing you-will-open-everywhere-for-me command in it. It is quickly becoming the most literal part of my surrender to him. Nothing makes me so viscerally feel owned as that does. And nothing triggers submission as deeply as that. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
Now I have a new favorite fantasy that makes use of something I saw online, a butt plug called an “anal pacifier,” with a little round handle. I imagine Daddy tying me up so that I cannot close my legs, leaving me open and exposed beside him on the couch, then slipping that plug into me and leaving it there while we watch TV. I imagine him making me watch an entire show like that, legs splayed open, while he occasionally reaches over to give the pacifier in my ass a twist to remind me it is there.
Terra Bloom is a happy submissive and a former journalist turned screenwriter who is now focused on positive sexuality through bdsm advocacy. (And yes, Terra Bloom is a pseudonym).